Sunday, November 18, 2007

Heaven Only Knows

Well, ladies, I'm back from my ages long hiatus, fully relapsed. I dropped about ten of my recovery pounds over the last month. It felt so good to see bones popping out again. I'm not ready to leave it behind. Maybe when I get a little too thin again someone will slap some sense into me, but not yet.

I've been working a lot lately, staying up for days at a time. I'm still really lonely. We got a dog last week that was meant to be mine in an effort to offset that but the dog has become my husband's through a combination of the dog preferring him and him deciding he wanted the dog to be his. Still a little mad about that, but I'm letting it go, slowly. The dog's name is Caboose and he's an awesome dog, but the whole thing has just served to raise my hopes and then dash them.

I've realized that so long as my loneliness is unbroken by either hope or promise I can deal with the solitude. I can force myself to become accustomed to it, but when it is interrupted and I become aware of it again it ruins me and I don't know what to do about that.

I go back to my home state on Wednesday for a five day "vacation," and of course by vacation I mean parade of torture and comments about my recent weight loss. I'm fasting Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday as well if I can manage it. I've been sick for about a week so there's a good chance I can. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I'm trying to manage my time so I only have to spend a portion of Thanksgiving Day with my family. Naturally that part of the day will include dinner and dessert, but since the dessert is my husband's birthday cake I'll just have to deal. I don't want to make him concerned about me when he should be enjoying his moment.

I already gave him two of his presents. The last one is a surprise so hopefully he likes it.

I've been thinking of getting either a cat or birds because there really are no people around for me to spend time with and my husband and I have conflicting schedules. I spend a lot of my time in the house alone. I'm definitely getting some plants and that will make me feel a little better. People underestimate plants. I think a lot of people don't understand that plants are just as alive as any animal with their own personalities. I wish I could grow roses, but there's no way. The ground here isn't right for them, for one, and the landlord wouldn't like it, for another. Roses are hardly in keeping with a sea cottage theme. Ah well.

I've forgotten the point of this so I'll shut up now. I'll try to be better about updating this thing from now on, but I make no promises. I'm notoriously bad about it. Take care, lovelies.

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