Thursday, January 17, 2008

Inside the crushing down, I felt a pang -- the tide was turning

I keep having strange dreams but when I wake up I can't remember them. Sleeping has been more like unconsciousness than anything else. I always remember my dreams, and I can't help but feel like I'm failing Morpheus. Starving exhausts me so much but I saw an oppurtunity and seized it.

I had a dream a few weeks ago about Morpheus's library again. I was reading a version of Little Red Riding Hood and he asked me why I had been away. I told him I couldn't find him as easily anymore and that I was lost in the woods too. He put his hand on my head and I felt like I could see everything that had ever happened and when he took his hand away again he said, "You've seen an eternity. You can always find me." Then he was gone, but it was as if he were behind my eyes watching what I watched. And it's going to sound ridiculous but I could see it through his eyes. On the page where there had been plain print I could see the original manuscript, the scratches, the revisions, the copy edit changes, this print, the pages rotting away, emptiness where this book had been in some distant day.

I've always had vivid dreams and I've dreamed about Morpheus more than once. I don't worry too much about analyzing but it does bother me that I haven't been able to remember them lately. My dreams are important to me for personal reasons. I hope my drought ends soon.

No comments: